Blindfolded

 

Its been an overwhelming circus of emotions this past few days, ideas and fears grasp my being, my core has been distraught, I suddenly questioned my capacity.. my ability.

For the most part of December I was not myself anymore. I failed to see the fun, I failed to see the rapture it used to give me, I failed to hold on to myself and just allowed fear to eat me.

I was a big FAILURE. That is what I felt, that is what I see in their obscuring eyes, in their head I could see the  hidden words on which their mouths can’t speak of.

“There she is the one who keeps on failing”

 

I was told that I failed my own expectations, the reason I can’t seem to forgive myself, the reason why I’m a bloody mess. Who knows?, Maybe he’s right, maybe I’m not cut out for it, maybe I’m too soft, maybe I’m just a big loser.

Yesterday I decided to  throw in the towel and started to go through life blindfolded. YES! once again I am walking in this dreary path of which I have no idea where I’m heading to and whats going to come around the bend. I don’t want to feel this way, I don’t want to be in a place where I felt inadequate, unable, I want to live LIFE and I want to enjoy it as much as I can by keeping my worth, piece by piece.

I’m no longer in my 20’s I wanted to find a place where I could feel my worth. And so I brazen through the unknown, I no longer kept a requirement, I have no list, Nor no bigotry, I have only but ONE care! and it is to live life and work where my soul is at peace and where my passion resides.

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Leaving Silently

 

Words that you left
brought sting to my eyes
tears poured and we wept
caused by the feelings that you kept

These are the unbearable cruelty
brought by illusions of a you and me
crashing us and burning
until time will surely leads to its unfolding

So for now just rise my love
for yesterdays aches has gone
today my heart is yours to play
but tomorrow it shall be mine.

Summer Heat

“So sweet and delicious do I become,
when I am in bed with a man
who, I sense, loves and enjoys me,
that the pleasure I bring excels all delight,
so the knot of love, however tight
it seemed before, is tied tighter still.” – Veronica Franco

Eyes in such a haze
a burning heat is crawling
tongues suddenly flicked
as she grabbed his damp hair
her back arching
moans submissive and aching
her body is screaming
as he taste such sweetness
crazed in a pot of honey
addicted and hungry
they fortuitously danced and melt
in that humid summer air.

How Can I Start

I have read sonnets

I have spoken every slights of romanticism

I have cried in every Shakespearean agony

I have wished for Neruda’s love story

I have felt and bask in the early morning breeze

hoping every time that a single dew of love to come to me

to express and feel and rejoice in the glory and its ballad

in its multi coloured facets and picturesque fantasy

I want to be filled, impassioned and be driven

Yes! madly in love as the moon worships the sun

I want to be enraged and feel the hunger of a man’s lips

I want to feel you, and only you.. and believe in forever with you.