Its been an overwhelming circus of emotions this past few days, ideas and fears grasp my being, my core has been distraught, I suddenly questioned my capacity.. my ability.
For the most part of December I was not myself anymore. I failed to see the fun, I failed to see the rapture it used to give me, I failed to hold on to myself and just allowed fear to eat me.
I was a big FAILURE. That is what I felt, that is what I see in their obscuring eyes, in their head I could see the hidden words on which their mouths can’t speak of.
“There she is the one who keeps on failing”
I was told that I failed my own expectations, the reason I can’t seem to forgive myself, the reason why I’m a bloody mess. Who knows?, Maybe he’s right, maybe I’m not cut out for it, maybe I’m too soft, maybe I’m just a big loser.
Yesterday I decided to throw in the towel and started to go through life blindfolded. YES! once again I am walking in this dreary path of which I have no idea where I’m heading to and whats going to come around the bend. I don’t want to feel this way, I don’t want to be in a place where I felt inadequate, unable, I want to live LIFE and I want to enjoy it as much as I can by keeping my worth, piece by piece.
I’m no longer in my 20’s I wanted to find a place where I could feel my worth. And so I brazen through the unknown, I no longer kept a requirement, I have no list, Nor no bigotry, I have only but ONE care! and it is to live life and work where my soul is at peace and where my passion resides.