Only the Eyes Asks

Breathing hard as my eyes danced with the sun’s rays

flickering, prancing, taunting my beaten face

I lie half awake as I wonder where you’ve gone

remembering your sly smile that beams at me

and lingers for a while…

 

 

Where you’ve gone?,

where you’ve been?

do you ever wonder what happened to me my friend?

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To You from Me

Its two am and thoughts of you came to me suddenly, then as if I was trap in an MMK (Maalala ala mO Kaya) episode a song played in the background while tears started to flow from my lonely orbs.

Dreadful, that’s how I am with you. I am a wretched girl who only comes to you when I needed someone to listen to, or someone to hold me close and shelter me from all the pain that I have. I have always been weak, tragically heart-broken, and lost.

I have always talked for hours about the one that I love, about my dreams and hopes, ambitions and endless plans, about the latest article or post that entertained me. I have always been selfish when I’m with you..it has always been about me, not knowing how must I have been hurting you.

Everyday you graced me with your gentle candor, your knowing smile, you’ve always been there when I needed someone to take me out to get a breather, that hug that you readily gave me after your anger-driven lecture. When you would always say that you’ll always be there for me.

“andito lang ako beh”.

With all this I am sorry, I am sorry for not listening and being a constant cause of your heart ache, I am sorry for my inattentiveness, for the disappointment, I am sorry for not being there when you needed me, I am sorry for my lack of interest with your texts, I am sorry for pushing you away.

I know all this might not mean anything to you now, ’tis true that regret comes only when you already lost them and I know I could never bring back the tears that you shed, the time that you spent waiting for a response from me, or for the constant devotion and care. Now I know my mistakes, I am a blind girl looking for the unreachable, unattainable, while you stay on the sidelines watching, carefully lifting me up, shielding me from the wolves and picking up the pieces left of me after being broken by someone else.

Unfortunately the time has come for us to part, we’ll both be chasing our dreams, leaving the land we called home, bravely treading the unknown.. not knowing if there’ll be a future with you and me. So before that happens I’d like you to know how much you means to me, that it has always been you, my protector, my savior, my dearest friend, I love you and thank you so much for making me feel that I’m Enough.

The Morning SongBird

Woke up with a song in my head,
a classic of Freddie Aguilar
I checked the clock its 12:04
oh shit it’s already Valentines
My head spin as I try to get back to bed
A bit weary of the loneliness ahead
But suddenly you called and sang a song
Which made my heart skip a beat then fly
Teary eyes and overwhelmed
You turned this frown into a smile
Especially when you end it with a kiss
and greeted me Happy Valentines.


I can’t believe the sweetness that transpired
Who would’ve known you have loved me all this time
Then again my lips has a bitter taste
since my heart is not yours to take..

Getting to Know You

Whats the most happiest and unforgettable experience you had? this question stayed with me after a wonderful lunch date, I just smiled at him and asked “as of now? ummm” which then followed by a long hmmmm.

It was funny since none came to mind, he was waiting for me to say something. Something good, something that maybe will make him laugh or perhaps inspire him or make him say wow, but I had none on my sleeves. From all the experiences I’ve had, places I’ve traveled and lived in I can’t pick a specific moment where it is happy and unforgettable at the same time.

Actually its easy for me to smile especially if I’m in a good mood. Laugh? easier.. but happy and unforgettable? nahh. I’ve come to a point in my life that a simple question stomped me. In my head an array of memories pops in but none is qualified to be called the “happiest unforgettable moment”. I know its easy to just lie and pick something for conversations sake but I’d rather not lie to a person whom I just met just to make it look like I had an exciting joyful life.

He just laughed at my lack of answer, or perhaps it’s because I was staring in the air for too long with a dunce look on my face. Anyway I just told him I have none.. perhaps a childbirth would change that. In which he laughed harder and offered his services. (DOUCHE!) Wtf?! Did he just asked me to accept his sperm and make babies?

Anyhow, I casually told him he doesn’t have the required height, skin color ( I prefer moreno), shoulder width, teeth symmetry and a nice package. (boom! man down)
It was a crazy afternoon but luckily his wits and humor was able to coincide with mine. I reckon most men would feel offended to my answer, but that’s what you get if you ask a girl to be the daddy of her unborn child.

Going back, he told me his moment was when he was finally able to buy the car that his father wanted. He said he felt so proud that he was able to give back to his dad who worked overseas for more than 20 years. I could see the love that this guy had, and the sincerity of his answer. His intention was sincere, his love is overwhelming and his pride as a man who was able to support and give back to a loved one is priceless. I also work overseas so its nice to meet someone who values the hardships and loneliness we experience.

“Good job” was all I could say to him, he smiled in response a bit embarrassed by the touchy-moment. Maybe he revealed himself too soon, but it was a breath of fresh air to meet a guy who opens up and not act all manly and super cool. He was just being himself, annoying, maybe conceited? yet buttered and soft on the inside.

Looking at him, I wished I have a moment like that too. I wish for a lot of things, hopefully they would be appreciated by the people whom I’ve shown my endless love and affection. Perhaps its even selfish to ask for gratitude and appreciation, but sometimes, I just wanted to hear a thank you or an I love you.

Anyway, I asked him if he wants to get some ice cream on which he said yes; I smiled as we left the restaurant and walked a floor down towards the takeout booth of McDonald’s; As I pass him the sundae, he scooped the ice cream as were walking and said thank you as he winked at me. I laughed at his Mr. Suave antic, (AS IF!?) still it might not be the “happiest unforgettable moment” but it sure does feel nice to hear it from a new-found friend.

 

What about you do you have  a happiest unforgettable moment?

 

image courtesy of welshalien.blogspot.com