Shaded Graves

Curious eyes that hide behind the shadows
watching and learning
seeking without understanding
baffled by the worlds hypocrites
entangled by their conscience
–and the wealth they seek

Dreary black eyes that knows only his mother tears
braving through the dusk til morn
shattering the chains of poverty and forlorn
gritting teeth with eyes aflamed
–shouting “I will never suffer again!”

Half-mad

So this is how it feels
to be half mad
trying to UN-love you

To lay in bed for hours
not move and just cower
feel the tears and fears devour
unearth the last hope
then let it shatter
just lay meek
never speak
hoping tattered heart
would lay rest
with memories, it shall never seek

That’s how you become half mad
restraining the beating of your heart.

DEVOTION WEEK 3 : CHOICES

quotes

the mountain climbing photo courtesy of mikeblocker.com

 

“There are those who say fate is something beyond our command. That destiny is not our own, but I know better. Our fate lives within us, you only have to be brave enough to see it.”  -Merida, BRAVE

…….

“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.”

William Ernest Henley, Echoes of Life and Death

 

Becoming An RN

If you were able to read my bucket list stories, you would have known that never in my wildest imagination have I ever thought of becoming a nurse. I wanted to become a lot of things, when I was a kid I wanted to clean chimneys, thanks to the show Remi. I also wanted to  play the violin ( inspired by Cedie ) and become a Marine Biologist, because of my fascination to Willy in the movie Free Willy.

None of them curtailed to taking care of patients or working in the hospital. Needless to say I do love science, I love reading medical books which happens to show lots of pictures of amputated males, children with scabies, lupus and cirrhosis and every not so good-looking image of your body. It didn’t make me wanna puke, on the contrary it fascinates me, but in my head there’s no way I’d want to clean up or take care of anyone of them! N.O.

NO.

But as Ive’d explained before, time changes, and growing up is not just about reaching your  dreams, you also get to weigh things base on stability of the job, career growth, and opportunities. You have to be realistic. At that time, I wanted to write.. I listed on my application that I’ll be taking Journalism, I was actually psyched that my childhood friend will be taking Communications (Yey!); Then again my dad wont let me apply on that course… I have no other option in mind, I didn’t actually thought that they would also say No to it. I was hopeful.

During those times, there is a nursing boom in our country lots of individuals go into nursing because of the so-called “greater opportunity abroad” ooohk? Well, when asked what is my alternative course I blurted right away.. Nursing? (it’s the only thing in my head)

Goodness! it was like a shot in the head, Me? a nurse?! All of my friends were as shocked as I am when I told them of my decision. “Good luck!” with a nasty grin was all they could say to me.

Forward play >> 

Eight years passed since I took my oath as a nightingale, Wow who would’ve thought that a mindless decision has made me into a driven, serious but loving? 😀 ICU nurse. I fell in love with my job, I fell in love with the people, my patients, their family, their stories.

I might not be able to write like a journalist, but hearing their stories is like writing it into my mind, carefully blotting the inspirations and lessons in my heart. And I might not be able to swim with dolphins like a marine biologist, but I get to swim in the lives of these people, wonderfully woven by their past, dreams and ambitions for each and every one of their family.

I know you might say I’m overly dramatic, but I came to watch and realize the humanity of humans whenever I wear that pyjama looking scrubs, or be flirted by the guard and the doctors when I’m wearing my whites 🙂 LOL just kidding!.  (talagang kasama ang guard?)

Main point is I realized it’s not just about doing the job, cleaning up wounds, monitoring their progress, giving medicines, performing bedside care, working with colleagues in the medical field; but doing all of it with compassion, empathy and as a patient advocate. I know in stressful times I don’t smile, heck I roll my eyes or huff and puff if there’s someone annoying or just being mean and hard to deal with… yet like any seasoned nurse would tell you, you are the only one who can bring ease or a sense of hope into them. A little smile, LOTS Of patience when explaining,  some words of strength and hope and maybe a few jokes or two; ( LEARN THE ART OF BOLA)

It might mean nothing to you but it brings relief to them.

 

 

 

 

WARNING:

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Nurses are boleros (flatterer) 😉