It was dreary that morning, seeing the sun already up with no notion of a possible change brought frustration to her eyes.

It’s been a year now since she abandoned herself. Crazy it may sound, to abandon oneself might seem a lost of sanity or an error to one’s grammatical knowledge. But indeed true to every word she did abandon herself.

She pitted herself as she look at the worn out eyes that stares back. The chapped lips, the dull skin, calloused and tired hands. She lost it all. Her beauty, her career, her sense of empowerment.  She almost cried as she took the hamper and put the clothes in the machine; It will never end her mind shouted as she noticed the hamper still half full. Will I ever see the bottom? She just let out a sigh as she put it down and move to another chore.  That is her day, a day full of chores, a repetition of movements that her frail body has perfectly orchestrated.

She knew it wasn’t regret that’s eating her up. No! The tears that rolled down every night is not because of that, behind that feeling of sadness and frustration, of utter dismay, of being lost, She knew that there’s a promise that holds her from breaking apart. A promise to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, to provide and to care for, to be a good wife and a loving mom. Yet despite that vow repeating in her head, tears would easily drop.

Though her eyes would light up with just a smile from that little doll, and her voice would crack from a joke from that special man. At night when the world has stopped and every sound can be heard, after her body felt the rush of the cold delightful water, her mind would just wander and her soul would cry.

If it wasn’t them, then why the tears?


Maybe She misses how it feels to be loved, to be beautiful, to be appreciated. OR She misses her old self, her long shiny tresses, that blush on her cheeks, that glow on her skin. The way he kiss her in the morning and a tight hug in the evening. She misses buying things for herself, to be pampered, to be with her friends, to feel like she matters.

She misses her fun beautiful self.


Now all that stares back is a tired mom, a sad  lonely wife and a worn out woman who has abandon herself. What a pity the mirror whispers back.




Give it to me Baby

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