Its two am and thoughts of you came to me suddenly, then as if I was trap in an MMK (Maalala ala mO Kaya) episode a song played in the background while tears started to flow from my lonely orbs.
Dreadful, that’s how I am with you. I am a wretched girl who only comes to you when I needed someone to listen to, or someone to hold me close and shelter me from all the pain that I have. I have always been weak, tragically heart-broken, and lost.
I have always talked for hours about the one that I love, about my dreams and hopes, ambitions and endless plans, about the latest article or post that entertained me. I have always been selfish when I’m with you..it has always been about me, not knowing how must I have been hurting you.
Everyday you graced me with your gentle candor, your knowing smile, you’ve always been there when I needed someone to take me out to get a breather, that hug that you readily gave me after your anger-driven lecture. When you would always say that you’ll always be there for me.
“andito lang ako beh”.
With all this I am sorry, I am sorry for not listening and being a constant cause of your heart ache, I am sorry for my inattentiveness, for the disappointment, I am sorry for not being there when you needed me, I am sorry for my lack of interest with your texts, I am sorry for pushing you away.
I know all this might not mean anything to you now, ’tis true that regret comes only when you already lost them and I know I could never bring back the tears that you shed, the time that you spent waiting for a response from me, or for the constant devotion and care. Now I know my mistakes, I am a blind girl looking for the unreachable, unattainable, while you stay on the sidelines watching, carefully lifting me up, shielding me from the wolves and picking up the pieces left of me after being broken by someone else.
Unfortunately the time has come for us to part, we’ll both be chasing our dreams, leaving the land we called home, bravely treading the unknown.. not knowing if there’ll be a future with you and me. So before that happens I’d like you to know how much you means to me, that it has always been you, my protector, my savior, my dearest friend, I love you and thank you so much for making me feel that I’m Enough.