Losing Grip


 

Forcefully, that’s how it is, how my mind was trained to ditch any specific notion of thinking of a morrow with you
Drastically, was how it was done, how every thing should be changed from my patterns to my hobbies. I have to paint a picture of myself without any link nor shadows of you.  And
Incessantly, that’s how my heart skip a beat, every time your name others would repeat. How each song would remind me of your smile, of your voice and that “hmm” sound that you make every time your thinking.

I dare ask sometimes, How can I unlove you? what should I do?

I have come to grasp and fully understand that I can’t have you in my life. I can’t keep you as something more as a shadow of a sweet hum that has touched my lips. I can’t keep you as something that would inspire and open my heart to something that might not even exist. I can’t keep myself from loving you and falling even more without even knowing the reasons, for I have no reasons at all why and how I fell in love with you.. all I know is that one day I woke up and my heart longs for you, that all I want to do is to make poems about you, sing songs with sweet melody and to care for you. And then I found a goodness in me, a better person, a more hopeful, a more loving, a more giving person whenever I’m with you, or when I think of you, and that I only wanted is your happiness.. only your best.

You broke my heart several times, but I was resilient, unmoved.. still loving, passionately, falling deep into the unknown.. but now the dream has to be shattered, the mind has to take charge.

I have to be strong and face it head on, be the bull that I was.. be the girl who has closed the doors and stayed silent to the sweet words of idle men, be the old part of me that could shun them away without batting an eyelash and close the doors to my heart without a single word.

I have to be that wretched girl again.. so that I could save of what is left of this ruptured piece called heart.

image courtesy of google

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