Angels without Life


Saddest thing that could happen to someone is losing the will to live.

 

What does it take to live? How can we live fully? What does it take for us to give it all up and escape our woes and want to sleep forever? Well I am not a psychologist, and I can’t give any inspiring words or experiences on that matter. I myself is sometimes in deep woe that I almost feel like wanting to escape and just shut everything. I think all of us have been there.. in that dismal path where everything seems to get worst.

But in this context I would like to share a story that exhibits courage, It does takes an amount of courage to actually live life. For it is only the brave who chose to live and face the big bad world.

Rubia, that was her name, a newborn with several complications that she has been admitted in the Neonatal ICU since she was born and had been there for more than three months. Her parents were not rich, they would always ask for sponsors, to prince’s and princess’ homes just to pay for the medicines and the bills. Every Friday you would see her mom look at the window of the ICU and  cry in front of her baby; Her baby that she has never even touch.

What makes Rubia special? it’s because she is a fighter.

I worked in the Adult ICU, but as a senior staff whenever there’s a code in other critical area we are tasked to assist as well. Now I know that I’m a crybaby, I easily get attach to my patients and I always felt that need not to lose ( as confessed in my previous post ) but nothing else could break my heart even more than to lose an infant’s life.

And Rubia? well she made me shed several tears, not only me but the whole team. As much as we want things to go smoothly for her, unfortunately things would sometimes go awry. It might be problems with her lines, intubate-extubate, medications, drips, seizure; It was just heartbreaking to see her go through it all. Sometimes in dismay we would feel anger at the parents because we know her complications is a result of what the mother took when she was still pregnant. I hate irresponsible parents! But most of the times we opted to give them encouragement and hope.

I remember a time when our Neonatologist left for Australia to attend a conference, while in there he called up and asked for Rubia, the team discussed her progress and the toxic episodes that occurred, before the call ended he said the words that made us all gleam with hope.

” Tell her I love her, I love her because she’s a fighter, she’s a brave girl”  His message brought us hope, hope was all there is left actually, but it’s also the only thing that she’s good at.

Never did Rubia failed us. Several times we would see the flat line, her skin turning blue and her small body limp in our hands, but every time we called to her, she would always respond, grasping for that flicker of life.

Thats how it was for at least three months, the struggle, her fight, her courage..

After more than a year, a dark-skinned man came into the Neonatal ICU door looking for the neonatologist. He was with his wife who is sitting on one of the benches on the side, carrying a slightly squinted girl with curls growing on her head. We all smiled when we saw her, for it was Rubia… she came back smiling and still fighting.

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Sorry but that is not Rubia, but still an angel.

I still cringe at the fact that some people would rather give up living, when there are ANGELS out there who are fighting to live.

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